May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
