There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
wow bdsm is so cute
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
