so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
