Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
