We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I checked into jail on foursquare
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.