Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.