it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
