drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.