My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
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Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag