I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Bring me that man meat
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
