I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
