took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She told me I should be a condom model.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
