Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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