i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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