I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
