help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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