i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
