This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
