I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize