We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
