You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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