i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
