I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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