i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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