Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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