his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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