I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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