This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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