i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
