Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
