we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
