This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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