hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
