You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
