well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
only you would photoshop your dick
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
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she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
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I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize