Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
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My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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