i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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