her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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