we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
