He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
