Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
