I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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