im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
