so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
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Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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