I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
