whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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