Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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