Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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