So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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