How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
