she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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