Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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