Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
