I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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