I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
