I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
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I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
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idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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