I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
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Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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