I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
