I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
