Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
