Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
