I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What a dumb baby whore.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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