you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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