Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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