im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is Oprah even human
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
