you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
