Too much gin, very little bucket
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
