hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.