I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
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I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sext me about skeletons