ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again