Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
time to smoke my breakfast
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
