If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
