So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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