his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
