The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
