I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
