so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
