I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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