I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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