I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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