my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
