i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
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I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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