we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
