"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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